Ask McFartnuggets: "I Think My Daughter is a Transvestite" and "Who Eats Seafood From McDonald's?"

Dear McFartnuggets: I'm in a bit of a pickle here. My wife and I have recently started letting our 15-year-old daughter choose her own clothing to wear to school and she's choosing to wear lots of t-shirts and jean pants. I think she even has a pair of khaki trousers and hooded sweatshirt. I'm not completely comfortable with her dressing like a male, but I do obviously love her with all my heart. I've brought this issue up to her before and she always tells me "Dad, I'm not a transvestite! It's okay for women to wear t-shirts and jeans!" I don't buy it. I think there's something wrong here. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I remember a time when only men wore dungarees and t-shirts and women wore hoop skirts and sun dresses. Why can't my daughter dress more like a real woman? Is she a transvestite? -- Dale from Akron, Ohio

Dear Dale: You have to understand that we're living in a new era where it's totally acceptable for females to dress in shirts and slacks. This no longer counts as transvestism. Now if your daughter starts wearing business suits with bow ties and a bowler hat or something then I would begin to have some concerns. There are very few fully male pieces of clothing anymore. For some reason there's this huge double standard concerning  women wearing men's clothing versus men wearing women's clothing. A woman can wear a pair of tighty whitey briefs and that's only considered a little strange if not at all, but if a man wears a g-string it's considered inappropriate work attire. Either society will tighten up on women wearing denim trousers or be more loose about men dressing in flapper costumes. It's hard to say which way this is going to go, but it doesn't look good.


Dear McFartnuggets: I keep seeing this commercial for Fish McBites and I keep thinking to myself, who in their right mind would eat seafood from a McDonald's? We're living in a world where IKEA and Taco Bell are selling people ground up horse hooves! How do you know those "McBites" are fish? Maybe they're just rotten McNuggets that have started to smell like fish that they don't want to throw away! -- Waldo Tithammers from Pittsburgh

Dear Waldo: While the idea of fish from a place that has a playpen is theoretically frightening, you have to remember that McDonald's is just as reputable as a place like Long John Silvers. If anything, seafoods should be doing much better in sales with the horse meat epidemic going around. There's no chance you're going to be eating a Filet of Fish then find out a week later it was really seal meat or manatee or something, and even if you did find that out, no one cares. Beef on the other hand could be any multitude of forbidden food animals like dogs, cats, and even chimps, yet I don't hear you complaining about beef! What I would be more concerned with is the tartar sauce because that could be any multitude of disgusting bodily fluids.

Fishay Fishay!

Email your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and don't trust pre-opened tartar sauce containers at Mickey D's.