|Pictured: A classic Soda Jagoff|
The only way to truly stop obesity is to create a universal bio health monitor network linked to an electronic currency system, clearly. How it works is everyone is forced to pay for food with an app on your smartphone that links up to a health monitor installed in your body. If it shows you've walked at least three miles then you're able to purchase a genuine Cinnabon, but if not then you're given a Cinnabon made out of soy and vegetable fiber. The trick is, by this time in the future the healthy Cinnabon doesn't taste much different than the real one with the fat, just worse enough that you're motivated to exercise more for better taste, but otherwise you're still forced to eat healthy foods without having your rights compromised too much. So really all this fooling around with soda bans is silly. It may be setting a necessary precedent, but it's not meaningful in other way.