The Top 5 Worst Ways to Get a Hernia

One of the main dangers facing all people on this planet is Hernias. Hernias occur when there is a tear in the muscle tissue and human organs are able to pop through. You can stretch, do yoga, and eat well, but hernias can strike any of us at any time. Men AND women are at risk from this and common causes are constipation and violent sneezing, but here are the worst ways to get a hernia and why.


5). Helping a friend move their stuff.

Helping a friend move into a new place is one of the most annoying things there is, but a real friend is always there to lend a helping hand. The only problem is if you get a hernia then you'll probably blame the friend and their stupid ass giant sofa that smells like hobo piss in the first place that they should have just left in the street instead of have you try and lift it into the back of a minivan GODDAMNIT JEFFREY! And that can really put a strain on a friendship.

Tell your friend "Some things are better left to the professionals" and then run away.

4). Lifting weights.

The only reason to lift weights is to be healthier and look good, but if you suffer a hernia then that has the complete opposite effect. Getting a hernia while working out is like getting married to fix a relationship, it makes no sense and yet it happens more often than you'd think.

Does this idiot look healthy? The truth is, exercise is often not worth the risk.

3). Attempting to have sexual intercourse with a very large woman.

Size matters in the bedroom and not in the way you might think. When we're talking about a woman's size it doesn't matter how the hell you use it, it can be very difficult to properly please a giant woman without tearing something and ending up with a brutal hernia that will necessitate laparoscopic surgery

2). Pretending to do "Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers" karate moves while watching the show.

Everyone loves the Power Rangers and it's hard to contain yourself when the show is on. You're going to want to get up in front of the TV and do lots of spinning kicks and crescent rainbow flying attacks right along with your favorite Ranger and pretend you're taking out the Putty Patrol, but if you're getting up there in age this can be a very easy way to bust a hernia and go down for the count.

Simple movements like this are better. Consult your sensei before performing any high intensity moves.

1). Dancing to "Gangnam Style" in the shower.

The worst way I've ever got a hernia has to be doing the "Gangnam Style" dance in the shower. If you're going to do this I would advise you to at least have someone videotaping it that way the video can go viral and you'll have SOMETHING to show for it aside from a cracked skull and blood in your urine. The worst part about getting a hernia like this is when you have to tell people they'll laugh right in your face and that almost hurts more than the pinching of the lower intestines by the abdominal wall.

If you must dance like this in the shower, have those flower grippy things on the bathtub floor.

 Hopefully you take my advice and stay away from these activities at all costs. I know it can be difficult to control yourself, but the experience of having a hernia is simply not worth the joys derived from defeating the evil Rita Repulsa and her army of clay warriors.

Trust me, you don't want to end up here wishing you hadn't been dancing in the shower.