How to Deal with Restaurant Hosts and Hostesses

In the past, whenever I left a restaurant and the host or hostess said "Thank you for dining with us!" I never knew what to say. Usually I didn't say anything and just smiled because I had experienced too many embarrassing instances where I said "You're welcome!" and everyone looked at me weird. Only as I walked out of the restaurant I would realize how odd it was to say "You're welcome" to that person despite the fact they were thanking me. The problem is it's a rhetorical thank you since you already said "You're welcome" by simply being there, eating, and paying. So when the host says "Thank you" for doing that you're already covered. Still, you may feel obligated to say something back regardless so here's what I do these days:

When a female host or "hostess" says "Thanks for coming" I usually reply "How did you know?!" or "It was my pleasure, sweetheart" if I want to be classier. Then depending on if she smiles or not I'll try to grab her hand and kiss it. It's a little risky, but if you pull it off it can really impress your date or grandparents. You can also say things like "We had a delicious meal!" or "Thank YOU dear, for being a lovely hostess!" Just try not to scream those things too loud or it might be weird.

If it's a male host who says "Thanks for dining with us" I'll say something like "YOU KNOW IT, BROTHA!" then hold my hand up to high five. The cool thing about doing this is the guy will almost always high five you. It's an automatic thing. You don't have to worry about it like you would going out for a high five on an old lady sitting at a bus stop or something. The host will feel obligated as a duty of his job to high five you back.

Sometimes if I'm not sure if it's a woman or man saying "Thanks for eating with us!" I'll say "No sweat, playa!" and that usually garners a positive response. Hopefully that gives you some cool ideas for this awkward situation. Maybe the next time you're faced with it you can make it your social bitch instead of acting like an alien who isn't fully acclimated to Earth's atmosphere yet.