The Top 11 WORST Taco Fillings Ever

Most people enjoy the food known as "Tacos" which basically consist of a hard tortilla in the shape of the lower part of a vagina and a filling that is then coated in shredded lettuce, cubed tomatoes, cheese, and sour cream. Typically, humans will fill their "tacos" with cooked meats and/or beans. These cooked meats are generally seasoned ground beef, pork, or chicken. Sometimes people like to get fancy in the kitchen and try out different taco fillings and that is where danger can strike. Here are the top eleven things you should NEVER use as a taco filling:


11). Wet Dirt.

Wet dirt or as it's commonly referred to, "mud" isn't a great taco filling. You never really know what's in mud. There's a definite threat of Tetanus when consuming dirt. The taste just isn't there.


10). Used Condoms.

Condoms themselves aren't all that bad as a taco filling if they're the flavored ones, but once they have been used by two people during sexual intercourse their value as a food ingredient plummets. It may give your tacos a protein boost, but it's not an adequate trade off for having to get tested after dinner.


9). House Pets.

This one is kind of a no-brainer, but dogs, cats, iguanas, hamsters, parakeets, etc. are not a great taco filling. It doesn't even need to be your pet, it doesn't matter. ANY type of animal that someone can make a pet is bad news. Stay away from these tacos, even guinea pig and horse tacos despite the fact those are fairly common in certain parts of the world.

Nobody want no tiger taco!

8). Primates.

Ethically speaking, any type of advanced primate (Chimps, Orangutans, Gorillas) will not make for a great taco. If it's smart enough to make a taco, it shouldn't be in your taco, that's what I always say.


7). Animal Feces.

Not all animal feces is created equally, but I don't like to get into a game of "Which Feces is Okay to Eat?" The majority of it is bad news. Other animals can eat animal feces and that's great for them, but it shouldn't end up in the walls of a taco shell.


6). Sewer Rat.

Now regular rats might be okay, but a rat that has been living in a sewer will probably contain all sorts of viruses and diseases that you don't want anywhere near your body. The sewer rat will also usually taste like crap. You can try cooking and seasoning it, but it's going to taste flat out wrong.


5). Fingers.

Fingers are not great things to eat at all. You might think that because they can fit into a taco shell it would be a perfect filling, but they're not. Human fingers are definitely not something you should eat and on top of that it counts as cannibalism. Yes, eating simple finger meat counts as cannibalism, I think. It's in that middle ground between eating just skin and actual body flesh so I tend to round it over to full-on cannibalism since there is flesh there.


4). Biohazardous Materials.

Biohazardous materials such as used syringes and other medical waste make a nasty ass taco. No one wants to eat that crap. Not only is it difficult to chew indigestible material, the majority of this stuff is completely inedible so please look elsewhere when hunting for the new great taco filling.


3). Radioactive Waste.

Plutonium, uranium, and all the other radioactive elements lack a decent flavor profile and don't meld well with the other ingredients of a taco. Not to mention they will make you incredibly sick and most likely kill you. Oh and if you needed another reason not to make tacos out of radioactive elements, they're incredibly expensive.

Translation: "RUN THIS WAY FOR FRESH, APPROPRIATE TACOS!"

 2). Human Feces.

I don't care what you've seen on the internet, eating human feces is not cool. Do not make tacos with human poop as your filling if you want to impress people at your next Super Bowl party. It'll steal the show, but that show will most likely end up at the local police department.


1). Babies.

The number one ultimate worst taco filling of course is babies. You don't have to eat a baby taco to know it's the worst thing to make a taco out of. Tenderness is no match for the ethics involved here. Only the worst person imaginable would dare bring a platter of baby tacos into a wedding limo and that means babies of any kind, gerbil babies, elephant babies, human babies or even lion babies, it's all awful and should never be done under any circumstances.

Does this really look like something you want in a taco shell?

So there you have it! You can get creative when you're cooking tacos, but don't get too crazy. Make sure to stay away from these awful taco fillings at all costs. Trust me, it's bad news!