Ask McFartnuggets: "How Can The Postal Service Survive?" and "Why Didn't The Allies Use Smokescreens on D-Day?"

The ORIGINAL mailman.

Dear McFartnuggets: With the U.S. Postal Service going down faster than a Kardashian on NBA All-Star Weekend, what do you think they can do to raise the additional funds to stay solvent in a rapidly advancing technology driven business landscape? -- Glen in Wisconsin

Dear Glen: Haha, Good one... But to answer your question, I'm not sure a lot can be done. They're going to start a clothing line and I can't imagine that will be very successful. If they want to start making serious money they're going to have to think outside the box and I think that might mean replacing all the mailmen with prostitutes. Prostitution would then be made legal by the U.S. government, but only when it's with the U.S. Postal Hookers who then tax the revenue they're taking in. The U.S. Postal Hookers go from building to building offering their services while delivering physical mail and it works out for everyone. Sure it might lead to delivery delays if it's been a particularly busy day for one of the postal workers, but the Postal Hooker who's busy can phone in reinforcements or something, I don't know, I'll leave that up to the President of the mail or whoever the hell makes those decisions. I think doing this would not only save the U.S. Postal Service, but also really benefit the economy and provide a strong economic boost similar to what was seen in the time after America won World War II.


Dear McFartnuggets: I have always been curious as to why the World War II allied forces that stormed Omaha Beach on D-Day didn't use smoke bombs or something to cover themselves up from the German machine gun fire coming from further up on the beach. -- Hans Schmickenfrancken from Norway

Dear Hans: What are you some kind of military strategist? Who won the war? Yeah, that's what I thought. The men and women who died that day fighting for our freedoms should be honored and not doubted in any way. I'm sure if they felt that the use of smoke screens or "smoke bombs" would have benefited their advance on the Nazis they would have used them, but they didn't so what does that tell you? Sure it might have made it harder for the Nazi machine gunners to strike down specific soldiers, but they would have still sprayed the beach with bullets meanwhile the allied forces would have been more confused as to where they were going and it would have probably made their advance even more confusing and chaotic.

Mad props to those who served and defeated the Nazis and to all the armed service members of the good countries. You know who you are!

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