Ask McFartnuggets: "Female 'Kicker' Sets Women's Equality Back" and "What is the Point of Charity Walks?"

Dear McFartnuggets: Did you see that woman who tried out to be a kicker for an NFL football team? Holy hell! A retarded midget could have given it a better effort! Because of this silly bitch now the idea of women in man sports has become a total joke. I can't believe this woman would flush her own gender down the toilet just for some publicity. I mean, what kind of person does that? - Morgan from Pensacola, Fl

Dear Morgan: There's no need to get dwarfs with Down Syndrome involved in this conversation. In fact, I'm not certain those even exist. While I accept your opinion as valid, I think you have to remember that this "silly bitch" was just trying to follow her dream. I think we should take her hilarious failure as a time to salute the NFL for accepting women into tryouts at all. While this Lauren Silberman character might not have been the woman for the job, maybe it was a wake-up call to another woman who actually has athletic talent. Maybe some high octane mannish ladies will now feel obligated to show that women are better kickers than "retarded midgets", as you so eloquently implied earlier. Perhaps this is all a blessing in disguise for women's rights and one day they will finally get to play in the NFL and who knows, maybe one day even be allowed to vote.

Dear McFartnuggets: What is the point of charity walks? I don't get it? Why don't people just donate money to a charity? What's all this walking B.S. about? -- Albert Pagina from Indiana

Dear Albert: I don't know if you've noticed this, but America has quite the obesity problem going on right now. Americans are taking every possible opportunity to get up and moving and if we can tie that into giving to charity too then that's doubly good. If the only way we can get people to exercise is to make them think their walking or jogging is saving dying children then so be it. At least it's something! Mexico is the fattest country in the world and they don't do many charity walks do they? All these charity walks are probably the only thing keeping America from being number one so leave it alone!

Not really sure what's going on here...
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