The Top 5 Reasons You SHOULDN'T Go Naked to a Funeral

We've all had that dream where you're at your mother's funeral and you look down and realize you're naked and everyone's staring at you, right? Well actually nude funerals are becoming pretty popular these days because it's seen as a way to one with nature during the acknowledgement of death. Still, it is a touchy issue for some people. Here are the top 5 reasons you shouldn't go to a funeral naked:


5). It may be seen as disrespectful to the family of the deceased.

If you're the only one naked, the family of the corpse will usually see this as an insult. They'll think you're trying to take attention away from the corpse and get upset even though you're just trying to exhibit the bond between man and nature.


4). Funerals are often outdoors.

Unless you're abnormally hairy, sitting outdoors for an hour or longer naked will be very uncomfortable. Sitting on a steel folding chair with a bare ass is an odd sensation that people should never experience. When the guy who invented steel folding chairs was inventing them he wasn't taking into account the naked sitter. It's bad enough sitting on those things with your padded ass jeans that make your butt look more round so you can imagine what it's like bareassed.


3). It usually rains during funerals.

Holding an umbrella naked is an odd look. You may as well just not have an umbrella at all, but then you'll be the only one without an umbrella and be soaking wet. If it's cold you could get pneumonia or something and your family will have another funeral to plan. Do you really want to put that burden on your family?


2). It makes it harder to meet people.

If you're one of those people who likes to take the opportunity to meet new people at funerals, it can be a little difficult to do with your balls hanging out.


1). Being naked may bring unwanted attention from the gravedigging crew.

If there's anyone you don't want to arouse it's the people who have chosen to bury dead people for a living. You don't know what the gravedigger is into so it's best to not even risk the chance that he could be attracted to you, staring from the distance, watching, planning to come up behind you in the parking lot with a chloroform rag. I was lucky enough to get away because this guy underestimated my kicking power, but you might not be so lucky.