Dumbass Slogans: “Elevate Your Drive”

Toyota recently unveiled a new slogan: “Elevate your drive.” Toyota wants you to elevate your drive. Okay sure, I’m willing to do that, but first I need to know what the hell that even means. I know Toyota is a Japanese company, but their American slogans should use proper grammar. Unless you’re referring to golf, I have no idea what it means to “elevate my drive.” I’m not sure how leasing a Toyota Corolla helps to elevate drive. Unless it comes with horny goat weed to elevate my sex drive I don’t know how that’s supposed to make sense. Unless the car has Inspector Gadget capability where springs rise out of the top of the wheels and raise the chassis of the car twenty feet in the air I have no idea how this slogan makes any sense. Young people these days are having enough trouble speaking English with all the memes and hashtags in the world, the last thing we need is advertisers using poor grammar too. If advertisers agreed to use proper English then they could claim to be contributing at least one positive in today’s world as opposed to the usual zero. If the phrase “elevate your drive” makes you want to buy a car then there’s a good chance you shouldn’t even be allowed behind the wheel of an automobile.

It sounds like they want people to drive while they're high.

Dumbass Sayings: ”This is Fan Food, Not Fast Food”

Fan food is extra
popular around summer.

Dairy Queen’s slogan is “This is fan food, not fast food” and they pretend like people know what that means. What the hell is “fan food”? Are they talking about food created with the use of a fan like whipped cream or something? Are they talking about food for fans of professional sports teams? Neither of those explanations make sense. What I’m assuming they mean is their food is so good that it garners a fan base of fanatic enthusiasts. The problem with that message is it’s not clearly communicated through the term “fan food.” I sincerely doubt people hear “This is fan food, not fast food” and understand what that means. This is not a phrase that will take off with people. When was the last time you heard someone say “Hey you wanna get some fan food?” No one says that because it sounds incredibly stupid and would only serve to confuse the other people listening. Also, “fast food” isn’t a slur. Dairy Queen IS fast food. Just accept what you are. There’s nothing wrong with getting food quickly. That was the whole idea when fast food was invented. People like fast food. Just be comfortable with who you are, Dairy Queen. There’s no need to invent weird new adjectives for yourself. And if you do make up new phrases to describe yourself, at least have the courtesy to do a couple commercials where you explain what the hell you’re talking about.

Dairy Queen isn't that popular in South Korea.