Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Aren't There Any Obese Superheroes?

Maybe fat people flying is
where people's suspension of
disbelief finally snaps.

Dear McFartnuggets: 
How come you never see any morbidly obese Superheroes in comic books and movies? I mean who are fat kids with glandular problems supposed to look up to? Seeing all fit and slim superheroes probably makes them feel even worse about themselves. People always complain about how there aren't that many female superheroes well there's basically ZERO obese ones so I think that takes precedence. -- Dietrich from Gary, Indiana

Dear Dietrich:

That is true, you don’t see too many overweight heroes and I think it’s because people don’t look up to the obese. Obesity is a little different than gender and ethnicity and sexual orientation because it’s the one thing that you really can control. Whether that’s true or not, the important thing is that people believe it so you don’t see parents encouraging their fat kids to find obese role models. Instead, they would rather inspire and motivate their kids to lose weight to look more like average superheroes. Maybe an out of shape superhero here and there would be a nice thing to at least give a role model to kids who really can’t lose weight like Samoan kids or something. I mean if Marvel and DC can depict skinny women with superstrength flying around why not a fat guy? That’s just as realistic. Once you get past a certain point of wackiness you can get away with a lot. That’s how “Guardians of the Galaxy” managed to be successful despite the fact that it’s absolutely ridiculous. Yes it is weird that a raccoon is a hero, but it’s also weird that an alien man can come to Earth and be deathly allergic to a glowing green metal. I think the real reason you don’t see as many fat superheroes is comic book companies would have to use extra plastic to make the action figures which would wind up costing them a lot of money.

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Obese Role Models For Fat Kids

With childhood obesity on the rise, there's never been a better time to be a fat kid. Raising a fat child is always difficult, figuratively and literally, but it's getting easier. There are so many awesome hefty role models out there right now, probably more than ever.

Melissa McCarthy is the closest thing we have right now to Chris Farley and is proving once and for all that women are capable of physical comedy. Then there's Chris Christie, a potential future President of the United States. Christie proves that being large actually makes you a better leader because people know you're fearless. You stare diabetes and heart failure right in the eye every day and say "Screw that, I'm eating this ice cream cake!" That's the type of courage we're going to need in the future.

Gone are the days of Fat Bastard and Fat Albert. We now finally have real life fat people to look up to, or around to. Having extra chins used to be a sign of being pathetic, now it's like the number of rings on a tree displaying wisdom and strength. Now when you're out with your fat kid you can point to these pioneers and instead of sneering as people would in the past, you can point with pride and say "That could be you some day, son. Now let's go get dinner at Baskin & Robbins!