Dumbass Sayings: “I Hate Goodbyes”

The hardest part of taking a
hostage is saying goodbye.

When social services comes to take your children to live with a foster family, your kids will usually start crying, give you a hug and say “I hate goodbyes.” To me this seems like a silly thing to say. Who likes goodbyes? You may as well say something else completely obvious like “Urine tastes funny”, “You shouldn’t have let us go to the zoo alone that many times” or “I love you.” Why is stating the obvious so popular with people? I thought I raised these kids better than that. Sometimes you don’t need words. Sometimes silence and the emotions we’re feeling say it all. It’s about the look in your eyes. The tears rolling down your cheeks are the only thing I need to see to know goodbyes hurt. I know. It’s going to be okay. This is the start of your new life. I know I messed up bad. I’m just not ready to be a parent. Maybe one day when I get my life together I’ll come visit you and we’ll have a talk with your foster family and maybe the judge will work something out for us. Til then, don’t hate goodbyes, sweethearts. Don’t hate goodbyes.

Dumbass Sayings: "Have A Glorious Day!"

Having a glorious day actually
sounds kind of scary.

If you've ever heard someone say "Have a glorious day" before you know it's very jarring. It's definitely crossing the line between a nice farewell saying and being creepily excessive. What exactly does a "glorious" day entail? Having a good day sounds manageable. We've all had good days before. How many people have had GLORIOUS days? To me that almost sounds exhausting. I feel like first I'll have to wear a cape and then have a red carpet rolled out for me wherever I go with people throwing rose petals in front of me before I go to slay a dragon or defeat a barbarian hoard. I don't have time for glory. I just want to have a decent day. If I ever experience a glorious day I want it to be an accident, not previously ordained by some guy who talks unconventionally.

Also, telling someone to have a glorious day just sounds sarcastic. The traditional thing to.say is "Have a good day!" Or "Have a great day!" I don't really like the idea of people commanding me to enjoy myself, but if you're going to do it, stay reasonable and don't overdo it because it seems even more disingenuous. Telling someone to have a glorious day is like saying "Have an unbelievable day!" Or "Have an unforgettably outstanding day!" I think most people are going through life just trying to survive and make it to bed time. Let's not stack the deck against folks and be so pressuring. That's defeating the entire point of your friendly gesture.