Dumbass Sayings: “A Tie is Like Kissing Your Sister”

Formal attire and incest
go hand in hand.

When you’re playing a recreational league softball game in the park and the game ends in a 2-2 tie, Eddie from your team comes up and says “A tie is like kissing your sister!” Why the hell do people say this? Tying should not be compared to incest. They’re kind of different. A tie or draw means you didn’t win or you didn’t lose. If you’re French kissing your sister, that’s gotta be considered losing. It doesn’t matter if she’s attractive, you’re doing something really wrong and there’s really no way to look on the bright side of that. You can always look on the bright side of a tie because you technically didn’t lose. Making out with your sister is not a win. This saying is even more ludicrous

these days with the World Cup going on. In the sport of soccer you have teams actually playing to tie. Ties are like kissing your dream girl in soccer. In soccer if Team A is up 1-0 and Team B scores to tie it, the commentator will actually say “Now let’s see, will team B try to win the game or hold on for the tie and the point?” Tying is so good in soccer that it makes winning OPTIONAL. It’s basically almost as good as winning and sometimes better because it prevents you from risking a loss by becoming overaggressive on offense. Tying is not like kissing your sister. Maybe it’s like kissing your cousin.

Dumbass Sayings: "There's No Crying in Baseball"

Is there crying in softball?

When you’re a kid playing baseball with your dad at the park and he’s training you to be the next Willie Mays sometimes he’ll be throwing fastballs at you over and over screaming “HIT THE BALL HIT IT DAMNIT!” and then one of the fastballs will slip out of his hand and hit you in the face and you’ll start screaming and crying. Then what does your father say? He says “Shut the hell up! There’s no crying in baseball!” No crying in baseball? I’m 7-years-old, for god sake! Why is this even a saying? If there really was no crying in baseball you wouldn’t need a saying to tell people to stop crying. Obviously there is crying and that’s why you say this to people to get them to stop crying. There’s no saying that goes “There’s no crying in football” because people rarely cry in football. Crying is not common in most sports actually. If you’re going to verbally condemn crying in sports it would probably be easier to just say which sports are okay to cry in. Instead of saying “There’s no crying in baseball, football, hockey, soccer, badminton, etc.” Just say “There IS crying in figure skating and rhythmic gymnastics.” Let’s just say that and assume there’s no crying in every other sport and make this a lot easier for everyone.