Dumbass Sayings: “Come Hell or High Water”

When you’re a kid sometimes your dad says “I’m going to make it to your graduation, come hell or high water!” Then he doesn’t show up and later calls to say “Well there was no hell or high water.” Hahaha, very funny, dad. VERY FUNNY! Anyways, when you get a little bit older you think about that phrase. “Come hell or high water.” What the high water does that even mean? Why are these the only two examples of possible complications? And this is a little off balanced don’t you think? Look, flooding can be terrible, I know that, but to put it in the same sentence as HELL is a bit much. Having a soggy carpet might suck and be a mold hazard, but eternal burning damnation has to be at least a couple notches more extreme than that. Now I know hell and high water are mutually exclusive, since high water would instantly evaporate in the conditions of hell, but that’s because hell is the worst possible thing. There is no need for the OR after saying Hell. Hell is the end all be all of negative scenarios. Just say “I don’t care if Satan’s kingdom of hell rises to Earth.” That sounds a lot better and makes more sense.

Hell really would ruin your plans though.

Dumbass Sayings: "There's No Crying in Baseball"

Is there crying in softball?

When you’re a kid playing baseball with your dad at the park and he’s training you to be the next Willie Mays sometimes he’ll be throwing fastballs at you over and over screaming “HIT THE BALL HIT IT DAMNIT!” and then one of the fastballs will slip out of his hand and hit you in the face and you’ll start screaming and crying. Then what does your father say? He says “Shut the hell up! There’s no crying in baseball!” No crying in baseball? I’m 7-years-old, for god sake! Why is this even a saying? If there really was no crying in baseball you wouldn’t need a saying to tell people to stop crying. Obviously there is crying and that’s why you say this to people to get them to stop crying. There’s no saying that goes “There’s no crying in football” because people rarely cry in football. Crying is not common in most sports actually. If you’re going to verbally condemn crying in sports it would probably be easier to just say which sports are okay to cry in. Instead of saying “There’s no crying in baseball, football, hockey, soccer, badminton, etc.” Just say “There IS crying in figure skating and rhythmic gymnastics.” Let’s just say that and assume there’s no crying in every other sport and make this a lot easier for everyone.