Dumbass Saying: “Apeshit/Batshit”

Why is the feces of apes and bats considered the craziest of all the fecal matter? If you’ve ever seen a homeless lady shitting on the bus before then you know that human shit is clearly the craziest. The only crazy thing about batshit is that they have to do it while hanging upside down, which if you’ve ever soiled yourself on a stalled roller coaster, you know is very uncomfortable. There’s nothing that crazy about ape crap. I think it’s considered crazy because it’s usually full of bananas and bananas is a slang term for crazy. So in that way it makes sense, but not really. If a bat shits at the zoo no one blinks. If an ape shits at the zoo no one is too concerned. But when I shit at the zoo, you would have thought I started World War III. The security guards come running with their batons and tasers. It’s a big production! So clearly when you’re talking about insane defecation, the only real crazy shit is humanshit.

You have to be a little crazy to take a shit in this position.

Dumbass Sayings: “Off Your Rocker”

When someone’s taking a dump on a public bus people say he’s “Off his rocker.” People know that this means “insane” but if you ask them what a “rocker” is and how that relates to the characterization of insanity, that’s when they stare at you with a blank face. The reason for their silence is because this saying just doesn’t make sense. However, just for fun let’s try to make sense of this. First we have to figure out what is meant by the word “rocker.” I would assume it means a rocking chair. Let’s just presume that’s what it means. Why does being off of a rocking chair make you insane? How are rocking chairs synonymous with sanity? Sure being in a rocking chair can be soothing and comfortable, but you don’t start tearing your hair out and making paintings with your feces once you stand up off it. Most people rarely sit on rocking chairs these days. Are we all insane? Maybe we’re not as level headed as we used to be as a society, but I’d like to think we’re relatively far off from taking a dump on the bus on any given day.

Maybe people were falling off their rockers and hitting the back of their heads causing brain damage and dementia.

Dumbass Sayings: “Bananas”

What's so crazy about this?
It's a blue nutsack filled with
bananas. Big deal.

Somewhere along the line the word “bananas” became synonymous with “crazy.” What is so crazy about bananas? They’re yellow, they look kinda like alien dicks, and they have a peel you can easily remove. What is so crazy about that? Is potassium crazy? What is the reasoning here?

I think the answer lies in the terms “bat shit” and “ape shit.” These too have come to be linked with insanity. Bats and apes do eat bananas, so maybe that’s why bananas means crazy. If that is the case then that’s ridiculous. You can’t just take an item in the diet of a crazy animal and then directly link it to being crazy. That’s like seeing a crazy person who only eats legumes and calling them “nuts.”...

I really don’t know what it is with humans and linking insanity to food items. If anything, call “Taco Bell” should mean crazy because only a lunatic would willingly eat at a place that turns your asshole into a flamethrower nozzle. They even name some of their items “Loco”, the Spanish word for crazy. Who’s more insane the guy eating only bananas and peanuts or the guy eating from the Taco Bell breakfast menu? That is close, but the answer is eating breakfast tacos made out of waffles. And who the hell would trust eggs from a Taco Bell? THAT is the new “bananas”.