Ask McFartnuggets: “How Can I Stop Saying ‘You Know’ Before Every Sentence?”

Knowledge is power.

Dear McFartnuggets: 

Some of my friends have recently pointed out that I, you know, say “You know” way too much when I’m talking. You know? How can I stop saying “You know” before every sentence? -- Elijah from New Brunswick, New Jersey

Dear Elijah: A lot of people have a problem with this and it’s because saying “You know” is a placeholder that folks put in their sentences when their brain is still buffering. Fortunately there is a solution. If you just stop to think about exactly what you’re going to say before you say it and say only those words you’ve preloaded in your mind then you’ll be okay. Just take a second or two to fully write out in your head what you’re going to say and gain a decent grasp on the words you’re going to start launching out of your gullet before you just go right into it. Think of talking like watching a streaming video on your computer with a poor wi-fi connection. It’s better to pause the video for a minute and let it load than to just have it play and freeze up over and over. You’ll probably save more time overall by preemptively preparing what you’re going to say than by throwing in all those “You know”s. When you say “You know” too much it can be annoying to people like seeing a loading screen. Just pause, take a breath and once you get the hang of not saying “You know” all the time it should naturally stop happening.

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Dumbass Sayings: “You Know?”

“You know” is something people say during sentences to fill awkward silences while their brains search for the next thing to say. It’s just a complicated way of saying “Umm” or “Uhh”. When you say “You know?” during a sentence you’re literally asking the person if they know what you’re saying. Why is that something you need to ask someone? If they don’t know then you should keep talking and if they do know then you should stop talking, but no one ever stops do they? You never hear a teacher say “You know?” during a lecture because if the students knew they wouldn’t be there. When a normal person says “You know?” we all know what they’re talking about but they just keep on going anyway even though WE KNOW what they mean. Of course no one even takes saying “You know?” as an actual question. It’s just a meaningless thing people throw into their sentences. Why not say something interesting instead of that like “Chili dogs?” or “Noble gases?” Those would make just as much sense as saying “You know?”.

"Bob, you really, you know,
freak people out when you, you know,
 dress like that at parties."

Bob knows. He just doesn't give a damn.