If you're like me then you don't like doing the same damn thing every single year and you like to spice things up for the holidays. That means taking a break from the usual tradition of a Christmas tree and trying something new and inventive. If you're as adventurous as me, go down to the local morgue and steal a corpse (the larger the better) and then stick that in the corner of your living room and decorate it with popcorn string and cold cuts. The nice thing about this is it will definitely be a conversation starter when family arrives and surely make for an unforgettable Christmas. The other nice thing is it's not nearly as much of a fire hazard as a normal Christmas tree. Yes there are certain combustible gases that the human body produces even postmortem and your morgue's embalming fluid may or may not be flammable, but it's still no match for a bone dry Christmas tree in a firestarting contest. Get it? MATCH? Eh get the fuck outta here! Lastly, this is a great idea because with a rotting corpse you'll never forget to take it down before April. You can test your luck, but waiting too long will give your nosy ass neighbors more time to alert the authorities.
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