Premature Movie Review: "Life of Pi"

Pictured: Shawn Williams and Lisa Irving

“Life of Pi” is already being called this year’s “Slumdog Millionaire” because it’s full of Indian people, but not directed by an Indian person. For some reason people like when that happens. It’s based on a children’s book that’s basically “Cast Away” with a tiger where the boy plays the role of Wilson the volleyball and the tiger (named Richard Parker) plays Tom Hanks. The author was clearly stoned the entire time he wrote this shit which is always a good message to send to the kids. The tiger’s name is Dick Parker. Does he wear a fucking necktie and smoke a cigar too? I mean that’s just as realistic as being on a lifeboat with a child and not eating it. I give this movie negative 3.14 thumbs up a sentient Portuguese Man o’ War jellyfish named Cassandra’s ass.