How To Avoid Catching Deadly Whooping Cough

Rumor has it the Whooping Cough is making a big comeback tour and a lot of people are getting tickets to see them in Emergency Rooms all over the country. Whooping Cough sounds ridiculous and when you hear it you want to laugh and cough right in the doctor's face, but don't be mistaken, it is a serious condition. The clinical name for Whooping Cough is Pertussis and it can be deadly. One of the main symptoms of Whooping Cough is a cough that is so heavy people compared it to the word "Whoop" which means "a loud cry or shout, as of excitement or joy". So if someone's coughing in a way that sounds like they're joyful or excited stay the hell away from them.

How do you avoid getting the Chooka Chooka Whoop Whoop? Distance yourself from coughing freaks as soon as possible. If you don't need to take mass transit then don't. If you're walking past someone and they cough, hold your breath and close your eyes like you're driving past a cemetery. It may look weird especially at work and people might stare at you, but you'll be the one who isn't hacking up their damn pancreas in an emergency Contagion containment triage center in five weeks. Who's going to be staring at a freak THEN?

Tell people that if they're going to cough, cough down the front of your shirt so the bacteria is trapped by your breasts. I can't tell you how many times I see idiots coughing into their hands or worse yet to the side. Coughing to the side should only be done when you're alone. Don't do it when you're walking down the street and I'm trying to walk past you and you end up hocking a wad of mucus right into my ear, you goddamn stupid old lady... 

Also, it's a good idea to wear those Michael Jackson/Chinese Airport masks. I hear people say "Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it" when it applies to umbrellas and dildos, but why not surgical masks? How is that any different? In fact it's more important, but we don't want to look "crazy" so there's this social stigma surrounding wearing a surgical mask in public. BOTTOM LINE: if everyone wore surgical masks we wouldn't be dealing with this shit to begin with so stick that in your ass and clench it.

Sure you could get a vaccination, but those are always a slight gamble. You never know when you could get a bad one or the vaccine is tainted with some kind of weird spore that will spark a fungal infection in your Central Nervous System. Vaccinate if you wish, but there's no gamble in living smart! So remember, avoid coughing morons, masks are dildos, and good luck.