People's "Sexiest Man Alive" Award is Bullcrap

Channing Tatum won the 2012 People Magazine Sexiest Man Alive award. First off, do you need the "Alive" part? I think that's a given. If the man was dead would women be lining up to grind on his cold lifeless corpse? I know a lot of whores might SAY yes, but in actual practice I seriously doubt you'd do it. That's necrophilia, bitch. It's a clinical mental disorder.

Anyways, this award is clearly rigged or something because to anyone paying attention, the Sexiest Man Alive right now is a tie between General David Petraeus and Paula Broadwell. Nobody has more focus on their sex life right now than those two. Are global news networks running wall to wall coverage of the scandals Channing Tatum is involved in? I don't think so. Channing Tatum... What kind of name is that? Sounds like a brand of Native American chewing tobacco or some shit. Can Channing Tatum make a mockery of the chain of command in the highest reaches of American government intelligence with his "Magic Mike" dances? NOPE! And I sincerely doubt he has as nice of a smile as General Petraeus. Have you seen that man smile? It's breathtaking. Channing Tatum isn't even sexy. I wouldn't fuck him that's for damn sure! Would I fuck General Petraeus? No, probably not. Paula Broadwell? Give me some time to think it over and I'll get back to you on that. If it means I have top CIA access to all of the U.S. government I MIGHT. Some people might say, but Paula Broadwell is a woman! Is she? IS she? In conclusion, People Magazine, why don't you take your little Sexiest Man award and shove it up your ridiculous ass.