Elmo Quits Sesame Street After Assaulting Child

How could you, Elmo!?

It seems that now perhaps it would've been best if Mitt Romney were elected President if only to destroy PBS and "Sesame Street". It has been learned that a man does the voice of Elmo! And if THAT'S not shocking enough, he's has had sex with a 15-year-old boy! There was some dispute about that, but now that Elmo has quit the show, it's basically an admission of full guilt.

This is awful news for "Sesame Street", a show that has been under a lot of scrutiny since Mitt Romney voiced his will to annihilate it. "Sesame Street" definitely seems like a sinking ship with this horrible news not to mention they had The Count die just last August. Who can look at a Tickle Me Elmo the same way now? I gave Elmo the benefit of the doubt. I assumed the boy who is now a man was lying for money, but now it appears that furry red son-of-a-bitch is guilty. This is a very important news story for people to follow especially if they were planning to give a child a Tickle Me Elmo this holiday season. That would be a god awful present considering what has happened. You do NOT want a child playing with a toy that makes the voice of a rapist. I guess I should have seen this coming I mean Elmo is technically a "monster". This is what monsters do. Monsters destroy lives. They destroy our dreams and the dreams of our children.