The Best Ways To Get a Bartender's Attention

We've all been there, you're at a busy bar or nightclub, the music is blaring, every seat at the bar is taken and everyone's ordering all at the same time. It seems impossible to get the bartender's attention even for a second and all you want to do is order a couple appletinis so you can get your party on like a man. Most people whistle or yell, but that can take awhile since everyone else is doing the same exact thing. The best way to get a bartender's attention is to do something original that they've never seen before. Here are a few things I like to do:

1). The Laser Pointer - A lot of bartenders are women. They say women are like cats and cats are enthralled by laser pointers so naturally if you shine one in their face they'll notice the source and you'll have a chance to yell your order at them. I like to go with a Class 3 laser for occasions like this. Class 2 is too weak and Class 4 may destroy their retinas causing permanent damage. You definitely don't want that because not only is it in bad spirits, haha, it's also going to make it harder for them to notice you in future visits.

2). The Naked Hobo - Run out on the street and find the nearest hobo, offer him around five bucks and tell him to strip naked and dance on the bar. Then while he's doing that you kick his legs out from under him and throw him out, appearing to be the hero. This is a risky one as the payoff can be huge, but on the other hand you are playing with another human's life. Then again most hobos are up for a little excitement so let's not prejudge that this man wants nothing to do with your schemes. Be careful, if you're already drunk, instead of beating up the hobo you might end up making out with him.

3). The Dart - If you're at a bar there's a decent chance they have a dart board and darts. If the bartender is being extremely stubborn when it comes to noticing you it's perfectly okay to toss a dart at them. Just make sure not to hit their jugular vein. You're going to want to aim for the fleshy part of the shoulder or the forehead. If you are already intoxicated this might not be the best method. I'd go with The Laser Pointer if that's the case.

And there you have it. Three foolproof methods of gaining a bartenders attention. There are like two other ways, but I've found these to be the most successful for me personally. Hopefully they work for you so go out there and have a good time and remember, Always Wear a Condom!