Ask McFartnuggets: “I Accidentally Farted With My Refrigerator Door Open?”

If you're cooking turkey
lookin' like you're in WWI
that's not a good sign.

Dear McFartnuggets: 

So I was staring into my refrigerator last week double checking that I had everything to cook Thanksgiving dinner. I guess my mind slipped and I farted while the door was open. It was a really stinky one, like top ten lifetime worst farts. I decided to close the refrigerator door and run away so the fart wouldn’t contaminate the turkey. Now that I’m thawing the turkey I can smell farts!. The fart smell actually got inside the turkey meat! What can I do?! HELP ME! -- Iris from Buffalo, New York

Dear Iris:

You’ve infused the turkey with the sulfur from your farts. I’ve never heard of that happening, but I suppose you must have farted with your ass pointing into the fridge and then when you closed the door it created a vacuum seal where the fart lingered and seeped into the food. I’m really not sure there’s anything you can do unfortunately. I’m sorry. I hope your family likes fart turkey. Just make up for it with a bangin’ gravy and I’m sure they won’t even notice. And yeah for future notice, don’t ever fart in a refrigerator. It’s like turning it into a gas chamber.

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