Dumbass Sayings: “Get Home Safe!”

Sometimes when you leave work or a social gathering someone will say “Get home safe!” This is one of the weirdest farewells you can bid someone. “Get home safe?” What am I a baserunner on a Major League Baseball squadron? If I was then that would make sense to say, otherwise it just sounds like you’re jinxing me. Even if I’m completely poopfaced drunk stumbling into my car and I’m trying to drive it from the passenger seat, trying to start the car with a breadstick I took from the Olive Garden, and have to be reminded to move over a seat and I’m weaving around hitting trash cans, telling me “Get home safe” doesn’t help. How would that help? Just because you say “Get home safe” to someone doesn’t mean now they have a magical impervious force field around them. Basically all you’re doing is telling the person that something horrible can happen at any time and you’re reminding them of their mortality. For some, that reminder can make them more vigilant and aware, but for others it can make them nervous and put the fear of death in the back of their mind. You may as well say “Get home with all your limbs intact!” or “Don’t get molested!” Those are expressing the same sentiment as “Get home safe” and those aren’t okay to say. Just say “Bye.” Whatever happened to just “Bye”?

The only person you should have said "Get home safe" to was Jackie Robinson considering how often he stole home and how many death threats he had sent to him.