Dumbass Sayings: “Mercury is in Retrograde”

Sometimes when people are having a bad day they’ll say “Mercury is in retrograde.” Some people think that when “Mercury is in retrograde” it causes all sorts of havoc and chaos in people’s everyday lives. People who believe in astrology use this as an explanation for people acting especially rude for no reason. It’s clearly just an excuse. Do you really believe the movement of Mercury in our solar system has anything to do with why a hobo was masturbating on your leg on the subway? Apparent retrograde motion is merely an illusion. Planets only appear to be moving in the wrong direction, they don’t actually go backward. If the planets were literally moving in the wrong direction then I could maybe believe that has some sort of effect on life, but people actually think a space illusion affects their lives. You hear this mostly from women who wear a lot of loose jewelry like noisy bracelets and a lot of necklaces. Other planets appear to retrograde too and no one cares when that happens. If Mercury would affect people and make their lives go crazy you’d think Jupiter would really fuck things up. That’s not how it works though. There’s no logic here.

Who gives a damn about Mercury anyway? It's not even red.