Dumbass Sayings: “You’re a Doll”

Sometimes when you help an elderly woman get a box off a high shelf at the grocery store, assist her in crossing the street, or help her achieve orgasm she says “You’re such a doll!” Oh I’m a doll? Sorry if I don’t take that as a compliment. You know why I don’t? Dolls have no genitalia. Dolls are lifeless, creepy, plastic human likenesses that are usually complete eunuchs. Call me crazy, but that’s not the type of thing I want to be compared to. I’m not a doll, I’m a person. Either you’re comparing me to a plastic baby that shits fake apple sauce or a tiny miniature genitaless person, or you’re comparing me to a puppet of some sort. I resent all of those things, madam. Even if you were comparing me to a high end Japanese sex doll, the kind made of realistic skin that sell for upwards of $30,000 that come with a bluetooth vagina. That’s still not very flattering. Why are we calling people dolls? Because a doll is cute? They’re not really cute. A puppy is cuter and when the hell would it ever be acceptable to call someone a puppy? It just doesn’t make sense.

Yeah, that's me. Just a rosy cheeked crooked eyed freak with no nipples.