The Top 5 Things That Elderly Can’t Do Without Looking Weird

Santa is the only elderly
person who can pull
off most of this stuff.

As people get older they lose their ability to do certain things without looking odd. I’m not saying old people shouldn’t do these things, but when they do it appears bizarre that’s all I’m saying. Here are the top 5 things that elderly people can’t do without looking weird:

5. Ride a pogo stick

There’s just something strange about seeing an elderly person on a pogo stick. It’s weird to see an average aged adult on a pogo stick so seeing someone over the age of 70 on one is a rare treat. I think the reason you don’t see this very often is their bones and ligaments can’t handle the spring shock impact of the pogo stick and they will either get a hernia or fall off.

4. Breakdance

Most elderly people avoid breakdancing because there’s a good chance they’ll literally break something. You might see a rapping granny every now and then but a breakdancing granny is truly a sight to behold.

3. Ride a scooter

I don’t mean like a motorized scooter I mean like a razor scooter. If you’ve ever seen an old lady on a razor scooter you know how weird this looks. Scooters are not a very efficient form of transportation, but it’s still something that some elderly people use to get around. It would be weirder to see an elderly woman on a skateboard, but I don’t think that’s actually ever happened.

2. Strip

Seeing an elderly person do a striptease is always an odd and awkward situation. God bless them they think they still look good, but the problem is their skin is usually so loose it’s acting as a second layer of clothing so they can never really strip down entirely. It just ends up looking like they’re wearing an old flesh colored bodysuit.

And the number one thing elderly people can’t do without looking weird is...

1. Give a lap dance

Getting a lap dance from an elderly person is one of the strangest sensations you can have on this earth. It’s supposed to be pleasurable, but you’re so worried the woman is going to break her hip that it takes all the fun out of it. Elderly women just can’t gyrate and shake around properly due to the unforgiving grip of osteoporosis and carpal tunnel. This results in a very strange looking show that is usually enjoyable for no one.