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Dear McFartnuggets:
This Thanksgiving I’ll be doing my usual Thanksgiving ritual of eating a Banquet turkey TV dinner alone in my underpants. Then I’ll think about what little I have to be thankful for before going into my bathtub to masturbate while crying. The only problem is when people at work ask me what I’m doing for Thanksgiving I can’t tell them that. I have to make up a new excuse every year and I’m running out of lies to tell. Keep in mind I can’t mention anything about family or I’ll start to tear up and choke on my words which makes it obvious I’m lying. What lies can I tell this year to make people at work think I’m normal? -- Brevin from Tampa Bay, Florida
Dear Brevin:
That is messed up… I mean, oh that’s sounds cool. Well, if you can’t make up lies involving your family I would probably try saying you’re going to spend the day volunteering at a local soup kitchen serving meals to the less fortunate. Then you’ll actually have people wishing they had your strength and energy to help others instead of pitying you if they knew the truth. Either that or I would tell people I was going on a crazy trip to a casino with a bunch of escorts because that’s also something people might envy. It also might be a little more believable to them if they know you’re not a family oriented person. Good luck and have a happy thanksgiving!
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