The Top 5 Ways To Keep People From Messing With You

Kicking someone's ass is
not the only option.

Some people think you have to be big and tough to keep people from harassing you when you’re out and about on the town. That’s a major fallacy. Even the most frail or silly looking person can appear very intimidating and scary to dangerous strangers IF they follow these following tips while walking down the street:

5. Twitch randomly

A major key to making strangers afraid to mess with you is appearing mentally unstable. One basic way you can fake this is by twitching randomly while you’re walking down the street. The harder and more sudden the jerking the more effective. It tells hobos, muggers, and rapists that you’re a loose cannon. Even if they aren’t that intimidated, you’ll be far more intimidating than other prospective targets they can choose from.

4. Talk loudly to yourself

Another way to fake being crazy is to talk loudly to yourself. When choosing what to mumble or even yell to yourself it’s best to go with religious nonsense or even talking in tongues. When people see that they really aren’t interested in more.

3. Walk around soaked in sweat

Walking around soaking wet whether it’s sweat or just water is a good way to keep people from bothering you. Very few people get harassed when it’s pouring rain outside for that reason. So when you’re soaking wet and it’s not raining people subconsciously realize something must be very wrong with you.  For added effect, cough loudly. People will probably assume you have Ebola and since that virus is transmissible through sweat you will be feared greatly.

2. Wear a stalking or cheesecloth mask over your face

There’s just something about the look of a stalking on a person’s head or a cheese cloth mask that turns people off. It’s not a good look. It’s very offputting. Usually it’s a sign you’re up to no good because robbers sometimes wear these things to disguise their faces. So when you’re just walking around going about your daily chores with a stalking over your head people have no idea what’s going on in your head and they definitely don’t want to find out.

And the number one way to keep people from messing with you is...

1. Get a nosebleed and let it run down your face

Nothing says “I’m mentally unstable” like a nosebleed running down your face while you’re doing nothing to clean it up. This is intimidating for a few reasons: first off you look crazy. Second, people can assume you got it from fighting so they assume you’re violent. Third, people are fearful of blood transmitted diseases. When you add all three factors in you’ve got the best overall way to keep people away from you short of rubbing shit on your face.

Obviously for MAXIMUM effect you can combine all these things and walk around muttering to yourself and twitching while soaked in blood with a stalking over your head. That’ll basically make anyone look like a horror movie villain and no one wants to mess with that.