Dumbass Sayings: “Picture Everyone in Their Underwear”

Whenever you have to give a big presentation or speech in front of a crowd and you get nervous someone gives you the bright idea to “Just picture everyone in their underwear!” I don’t know who the hell thought this up. That had to be a really weird person. Who goes, “Hey I’m really nervous about this board meeting, let me try picturing everyone without their clothes on… Hey it worked! Now I’m not nervous anymore because I can see people in their underwear!” And after that there was the awkwardness of telling people you actually did that and it worked. I’m not really sure how that all came about especially considering IT DOESN’T WORK. Do you know how much brain power it takes to picture everyone in a room naked? If it’s just one or two people fine that’s easy, but an auditorium? Now I know the human brain is more powerful than most computers, but it simply does not have the processing power to take in dozens of people’s appearances and convert them to naked fantasies simultaneously. Even if you could picture a hundred different people each with their own specific underwear and body features it doesn’t really help you during a speech especially if you’re in front of women. If you’re doing this with women there’s a decent chance you’ll get a boner and that breaks your concentration even more. If you’re behind a podium it’s not as big of a deal, but if you’re just standing out there on the stage then this is a big problem. A REAL HUGE PROBLEM, ladies. Just kidding, an average to somewhat large sized problem. This is just horrible advice, especially if you’re giving a speech to kids or elderly people. Just take some anti-anxiety medication or get drunk instead. It’s not a perfect solution, but it beats getting an erection at a town hall meeting or picturing elderly saggy titties.

Yes, I'm sure seeing a crowd of this would calm you down.