Dumbass Song Lyrics: “This Girl is on Fire”

Alicia Keys released a song in 2012 called “Girl On Fire” in which she sings “This girl is on fiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” This song is teaching young people the wrong fire safety protocol. If you see a girl on fire you don’t start singing a slow paced hip hop/R&B song. You look for a fire extinguisher, a hose, or a large heavy blanket (anything to put out the fire), tackle them to the ground and put the flames out then call 9-1-1 as soon as possible. That should be what you do no matter who’s on fire, but especially a young girl. The key is to get them on the ground and have them roll around so the flames can’t have enough air to keep burning. If someone has caught fire then there’s a very good chance they’re suffering from third degree burns and that’s no damn joke. Once you’ve called 9-1-1, stay with the girl, perform CPR if necessary. You should remove any constrictive jewelry like bracelets since the burned flesh will swell and cause further damage if they’re constrained. However, do not remove any clothing that is stuck to the skin. Make sure not to cover the burns in cold water because it could cause a drop in body heat as well as blood pressure and blood flow. Raise any serious wounds above heart level and cover the burns in cool moist bandages or sterile cloth. Now I get that these instructions aren’t as catchy as the ones Alicia Keys wrote, but they’re the right ones and that’s what matters.

This is clearly no singing matter.