Dumbass Sayings: “Ripe Old Age”

When someone’s great aunt dies they always say “She lived to a ripe old age of 97!” Apparently these people don’t know what the word “ripe” means. “Ripe” means reaching full maturity to the point where something is ready for eating. Now if you’ve ever gone down on a woman over the age of 80 then you know that shit is far from ripe. You’re ripe when you’re in your 20’s and maybe even early 30’s. After that point you’re exiting the ripe phase and heading more toward rotting. Once the body becomes decomposing in earnest then you are no longer ripening. Your aunt died at the “rotting old” age of 97, of course that sounds bad, no one would ever say that. That’s why we lie to ourselves and call the woman “ripe.” If you consider an elderly person to be ripe then please go ahead and sleep with one. If you do and it’s the best possible scenario you could imagine, then I will agree with you, but I’ve never had that type of positive experience with anyone who has an AARP card. “Ripe old” is an oxymoron. The actual definition of “Ripe” is “Having arrived at such a stage of growth or development as to be ready for reaping.” Now if you’re talking about GRIM reaping then yes, that’s true, but I don’t think that’s what they’re talking about.

If this person was produce you'd put them back and maybe even alert a store manager.