The Top 5 Weirdest Places To Shave Yourself

There are a few places
you really don't want
razor burn.

Unless you’re a hippie or hobo or a hobo hippie, there’s a good chance you shave the hair off your body in certain areas. There are socially appropriate places to shave yourself like your face and to a lesser extent, your legs, but there are a few places you should definitely never shave yourself. Here are the top 5 weirdest places to shave yourself:

5. Eyebrows

Some people like to shave their eyebrows off and draw in new ones. I can assure you this is bizarre behavior. If your child was doing this you would get him into therapy. That’s how you can tell it’s weird.

If you want to draw eyebrows go make a cartoon.

4. Anus

It’s weird to shave your anus. I would recommend waxing just because it’s the lesser of two evils. Both are going to hurt, but at least with waxing you’re less likely to draw blood and experience a horrible infection.

Anal tissue and razors aren't a good mix.

3. Balls

Unless you have the steady hands of a great surgeon you’re not going to want to anywhere near your testicles with a razor. Putting a razor near your balls is worse than running around a pool while drunk, holding scissors and texting. It’s a recipe for disaster.

Shaving round things is always a challenge. Practice on a balloon to see what I mean.

2. Eyelids

Who do you know that shaves their eyelids? The answer should be “No one.” If it’s not then I feel sorry you know someone that disturbed. Eyelashes may seem pointless, but that’s no reason to run a razor blade across the edge of your eyelid. If you hate your eyelashes so much just pluck them out.

If you had no eyeballs like this drawing I would say go for it, otherwise you're risking permanent problems.

And the number one weirdest place to shave yourself is...

1. A bus stop

If you’ve ever shaved yourself at a bus stop before you know how weird it can get. People are just trying to get to their job, the last thing they need to see is you with your legs up and hot lather coating your taint as you run a Shick Quattro over your perineum. It’s so weird you might even get a visit from the good old police!

I know it doesn't say not to shave there, but just trust me.

How To Shave Your Butt Hair Without Accidentally Killing Yourself

There are a lot of online tutorials about how to shave your nutsack hair or your vagina, but nearly no step by step tutorials on how to shave the hair inside your ass. Now shaving your ass hair is a lot like putting a Hot Pocket in a conventional oven, it's not the proper way to do things and it's going to feel very odd, but not everyone has a Brazilian waxing kit at home.

- The first key is to have your cheeks spread as far apart as you can. I like to use duct tape. Coat each cheek individually with tape and then stretch the tape back around to your crotch so the tension keeps the buttcheeks pulled apart.

- Apply hot lather. You have to make sure that lather is HOT and yes it will burn for awhile, but not nearly as much as it will burn if you use cold to lukewarm lather.

- Use short quick strokes going WITH THE GRAIN. I cannot stress this enough. There is literally nothing worse in the world than a bush of ingrown anus hairs, I'm including genocide in this.

- It's also very important to be surehanded. Do not do this if you've just drank too much coffee or if you're a little drunk. I know it's difficult because the only time you ever think to shave your ass is when you're drunk, but you really don't want to mess up and circumcise your own pooper.

- My last tip is to use a decent razor. Do not go cheap on this! Some people think they can run a disposable single blade Bic across their shithole and have that be okay, it's not. You're gonna want to go Shick Quattro on that bitch all the way or you MAY live to regret it. I use an ancient Mayan gardening trowel but that's because I'm a trained expert.