5 Signs That You Have World Cup Fever

One unpleasant symptom
of WCF is runny stools.

With the World Cup in full swing it’s very easy to catch the dreaded disease known as World Cup Fever. When you get it, it can be devastating to your family and work life. Some people actually take work off to watch the games. That can be a pretty stupid thing to do when you don’t even watch soccer, but that’s the danger of World Cup Fever! World Cup Fever takes a normal person who never watches soccer and turns them into a rabid, diehard fan of European football. It’s a terrible condition, but before you can begin to cure it, you must first diagnose it. Here are 5 signs you might have World Cup Fever:

1. You wear your country’s jersey.

A lot of European and South American fans wear soccer jerseys all year long, but for an American that’s a very clear sign they have World Cup Fever. Or maybe they just work for Domino’s.

If the U.S. doesn't score a goal in 30 minutes or less your pizza is free.

2. You’re kicking things more often.

When you watch enough soccer you start mimicking what you see and that usually means kicking things. Instead of punching the door down when your wife has locked herself in the bathroom you might kick it down instead.

Look he's kicking the ball (brain) into the back of that guy's net (skull).

3. You find yourself speaking in an English accent randomly.

An obvious sign you have World Cup Fever is when you break out into a British commentary accent out of nowhere without realizing it. You’ll be talking about the game and find yourself saying “That was a well played chaunce by Dempsehhh!” Why are you talking like that? You either have World Cup Fever, or you’re experiencing a stroke.

I'll be right up to your flat once I take the lift!

4. You jump up and hit things with your head a lot.

It’s strange how in a sport called “Football” you can use your skull to hit the ball. It’s a lot of fun, but it can be very dangerous. For example if you see a baby falling out of a window, don’t run up and head it. If you do, you clearly have World Cup Fever which is unfortunate because I doubt they’re going to let you watch the games in jail.

Looks like someone took one too many headers.

5. You go to bars during World Cup games, get drunk and scream at the TV like your life depends on the game despite not knowing who any of the players are or the rules of soccer.

One of the most harmful symptoms of World Cup Fever is binge drinking. You drink way too many alcoholic beverages, eat bar food, and jump up and down yelling “OLE! OLE OLE OLAYYYY!!!” Guess how that ends. World Cup Fever all over the bar and a lifetime ban from your favorite pub.

Do yourself a favor and stop drinking once stoppage time starts. That's how people die.