Three Easy Tips To Make You Unbeatable In A Pillow Fight

This is my pillow
there are many like it
but this one is mine.

When you find out there’s a pillow fight flash mob coming up in your town you have to make sure you’re prepared for victory. Some people may argue that there’s no real way to win a pillow fight, but clearly the last man standing wins. With that being the case there are three easy things you can do to make sure that person is you:

1. Wear a bear attack suit.

Buy a special armored suit that is designed to defend against bear attacks and wear it to the pillow fight. This suit will make even the hardest blow from a pillow feel like nothing at all and enable you to focus all your attention on dealing out punishment.

If you can't get a bear attack suit, any large ridiculous protective suit will do.

2. Fill your pillow case with rocks.

This is a classic pillow fight trick, but it works like a charm every damn time. The key is to use medium sized rocks. Clearly huge rocks will be too difficult to swing and will rip your pillowcase and tiny rocks won’t really do anything.

It's a good thing this is a pillow fight, because you get hit with this and you're going to sleep, bitch!

3. Do cocaine.

The final tip to ensure pillow fight victory is cocaine. This will give you the killer instinct and unwavering energy and focus it takes to beat hundreds of others in a giant maylay of flying feathers. When you see a man in a bear attack suit swinging two pillows full of rocks, high off his ass on coke, is that the person you want to face in a pillow fight? I DON’T THINK SO.

All the power in the world in one simple spoon!