Dumbass Sayings: “What Gives?”

"Free money? What gives?"
"Me, dumbass."

Sometimes when you come to work drunk without pants on, the receptionist Janine will say “What gives?” What kind of question is that? What gives? I don’t know? Charities? Santa? People who volunteer at soup kitchens? Our troops overseas? Those are things that give. Yet, when you give those answers to people when they ask “What gives?” They look at you like you have no pants on or something. How am I supposed to answer that question? It doesn’t even make sense! What gives? What the hell does that even mean? What gives with me not wearing pants? Nothing gives with that. Why do people twist the English language around like this and think that’s okay? You can’t just say things like that and expect people to treat them like they’re normal sentences. If you’re curious about why I’m only in underpants then just say “Why are you only wearing underpants?” Then I can tell you, I’m drunk as hell and I was running late and forgot to throw on some slacks before I left the house. There! That’s all you had to do!