The Top 5 Things You Should NEVER Put on Your Resume

Before you resume writing
your resume, make sure none
of these things are one it.

A lot of people are writing and updating their resumes these days. When you’re fixing a resume up it’s important that you know what’s okay and what’s not okay to write on the paper. Even the slightest mistake can ruin your chances of getting an interview. Here are the top five things you should never put on your resume:

5. Your greatest weakness is writing resumes.

Most times, employers want to know what your greatest weakness is. Even if that weakness is writing resumes, you can’t tell them that because then you have to submit a horrible resume. If you write that you’re bad at resumes and submit the greatest resume in the world, they’ll see that and view you as an untrustworthy liar and you probably won’t get called.

4. You're an unregistered sex offender

Legally you’re supposed to tell an employer if you’re a registered sex offender. If you’re unregistered then first off you need to register yourself. Even then I wouldn’t put that on a resume, registered or unregistered. Just let the employer know toward the end of the interview and you better have a good excuse.

3. Your Xbox gamerscore

You might be really proud about all the achievements you’ve racked up in all your Xbox games, but unless you’re applying for a video game related job you need to keep that shit a secret.

2. That you're a multitasker because you use 2-in-1 shampoo.

Employers usually want people who are great at multitasking. The thing you have to remember about this is using a 2-in-1 shampoo doesn’t count as multitasking. Neither does performing multiple sexual acts at the same time or walking and chewing gum simultaneously.

And the number one thing you should never put on your resume is...

1. References and oral sex available upon request.

Most people write “References available upon request” at the bottom of their resumes. You might think it’d be good to include a little extra information to help put an exclamation mark on your application. While sometimes oral sex can help you get a job that’s something you’re going to have to figure out in the actual interview, and not tip your hand too early by putting it on the resume.

It usually helps to wear clothes to a job interview too.