The Greatest Discoveries That Probably Shouldn’t Have Been Made

Not every discovery is
a Eureka moment.

Have you ever wondered about certain discoveries and thought “How did someone realize you could do that? Only a freaking weirdo would have discovered that!” Well there are quite a few discoveries like that and fortunately there were some freaks to make those discoveries and they helped make life better for you and I. Here are the top five greatest discoveries that probably should never have been made:

5. You can drink animal milk

Who the hell was the first guy who decided to drink milk from any animal? Cow milk, fine. Who wouldn’t want to suck some cow nipples. But the guy who discovered you could drink goat milk. That was one sick bastard. In a perfect world, no one would have discovered that.

Who said those nipple excretions were for you?

4. Bacon tastes good.

Who looks at a pig rolling around in mud, eating it’s own poop, and thinks “Hey, let me cut that open, cook its fatty flesh and eat it! A normal person would assume that pig flesh would taste like crap so the fact that it’s one of the most delicious foods ever is just flat out insane.

Thank god for creepy bastards!

3. There are non poisonous mushrooms.

As human beings we know a lot of mushrooms are poisonous. Mushrooms are fungi that grow out of the ground. We probably shouldn’t be eating any of them so to think that there was a guy or gal who knew some mushrooms were killing people, and still decided to taste them is ridiculous.

Yeah let me taste that. What could go wrong?

2. Rim jobs

Who thinks to lick someone else’s butthole? I mean seriously. If you didn’t know anything about anything and were just born in a habitat with another person, how long would it take you to lick their butthole? It would probably take me forever. I doubt that would ever cross my mind as a good idea. Fortunately some freak decided to do it and found out it feels great. Thanks I guess.

No not THAT type of rim, you dirty devil.

And the number one greatest discovery that probably should never have been made is...

1. Mouth to Mouth resuscitation

Think about what mouth to mouth resuscitation is for a moment. It’s breathing into a practically dead person and massaging their heart to get them to come back to life. Now the first person who ever tried this was probably seen as the sickest bastard in the world. How would you feel if someone you knew was dead and some weirdo showed up and started making out with them? The thing is, I doubt this worked on the first try so that had to make it even more awkward. If by some chance it did work on the first try then that person must have been seen as some sort of god. It’s surprising we don’t know who that person is. They’ve surely saved thousands and thousands of lives over the years with their twisted sick method of lifegiving.

I'm sure EMTs are glad this was discovered. Now they get to risk getting herpes on a daily basis.