The Top 5 Worst Things To Do While Getting A Lap Dance

Strippers can be very
sensitive.

When you’re getting a lap dance there’s a certain etiquette you have to keep in mind. There are basically no “DOs” but there damn sure are a bunch of “DONTs.” In order to make your next lap dance a pleasant experience that doesn’t result in complete humiliation in front of strippers or worse yet having you thrown head first out onto a street, make sure to remember the top 5 worst things to do while getting a lap dance:

5. Giggle like a schoolgirl.

There are few things creepier to a stripper than when a grown man starts going “Teeheehee” like a mythological woodland nymph as she’s grinding on his pelvis.

4. Tell the stripper “You look like my mom.”

This is one of the few things creepier to a stripper than when you giggle like a schoolgirl.

3. Have a seizure.

You obviously never want to have a seizure, but even moreso when you’re getting a lap dance because your arms will start flailing around and you might accidentally grab at her which leads the bouncers to throw you out onto the street where you’re left to seizure and possibly die without any medical attention.

2. Vomit.

Vomiting on a stripper is one of the most common, horrible things that can happen during a lap dance. You’re out drinking with your buddies and you have one too many, before you know it the combination of a stomach full of tequila, a crave case from White Castle, and strobe lights along with a stripper whipping her glittery hair around will make you lose your lunch. Most strippers will take that as an insult. No one wants to ever clean a strangers barf off their tits. It’s not a very proud moment.

And the number one worst thing to do while you’re getting a lap dance is…

1. Shit your pants

Always and I mean ALWAYS take a dump before you go to a strip club. Also try your best to avoid enchiladas and spicy pork dishes. It sounds stupid, but if you’re doing coke, drinking, and eating greasy foods, it might not even matter if you crapped before you left the house there’s going to be a torpedo locked and loaded in your ass ready for someone to turn the key. That’s a ticking time bomb. When that goes off that ruins EVERYONE’S night. Even if you don’t crap your pants you’ll be trying to hurry the lap dance along so you can run to the bathroom and that’s not getting your money’s worth at all.

You NEVER want your stripper to make this face.