Dumbass Sayings: “Go Medieval On Your Ass”

Unless you look like this
you can't go medieval
on anyone's ass.

Occasionally you’ll get into a social dispute at a local alcoholic beverage dispensary establishment and some guy will say “Hey man, nobody motorboats my wife’s titties except me! I’m gonna go Medieval on your ass!” Excuse me? You’re going to go “Medieval on my ASS?” How does one go a historical time period on another’s ass? I get so confused by what they mean I actually let it happen just to know what the hell they’re talking about, and it’s never pertaining at all to the European Middle Ages. Unless someone is shoving a jousting pole up your ass they’re not getting medieval on it. If you say “I’m gonna go Medieval on your ass” you better be wearing a suit of knight armor otherwise that saying doesn’t make much sense. Unless you’re in the parking lot at Medieval Times after dinner waiting to get an autograph from the knights and you piss one off by asking too many questions about the show, there’s really no reason for anyone to ever say they’re going to go Medieval on your ass. What would that even entail? What are you going to do? Give my ass the Black Death? Why would anyone go Medieval on someone’s ass? If anything go Renaissance or Age of Enlightenment on their ass and help educate them. That’s how we’re going to make the world a better place.