Ask McFartnuggets: “If You Could Write a Letter to Yourself 20 Years Ago, What Would You Say?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

If you could write a letter to yourself 20 years ago, what would you say to yourself? -- Maggie from Redmond, Washington

Dear Maggie:

Wait, what? If I could write a letter to myself 20 years ago? I’m not sure what I’d say. Probably some dumb stuff because I was really stupid 20 years ago. I wouldn’t have any idea what to write to myself. Now if you’re talking about what if I could write a letter TODAY and SEND IT to myself 20 years ago then that’s a different story. First I’d go through great lengths to get my past self to realize this was a genuine letter that had traveled through time. I would mention all my birthmarks, yes, ALL my birthmarks. After that I would warn myself about 9/11 obviously. I think anyone who wouldn’t do that is just crazy. I think that would probably comprise the majority of my letter. I would just try to think out how to warn everyone and try to prevent it from happening. I think that would take precedent over anything else considering it led to the Iraq War and the subsequent fall of the global economy. Anyone who writes time traveling letters to before 2001 and doesn’t mention 9/11 is a damn fool.

The price of postage for a time traveling letter must be astounding.

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