The Top 5 Worst Animals To Have As Pets

When your wife leaves you there tends to be a very large feeling of emptiness in your life. One good way to fill that hole quickly is with a new pet. Maybe you’re the type of person who wants to be different and doesn’t want to have a dog, cat, or hamster like everyone else. There several animals out there in the world, but you’ll realize there’s a good reason only around 5 are ever taken as pets. Here are the top 5 worst animals to keep as a pet:

5. Dingo

Dingos are basically wild dogs and while dogs are man’s best friend, dingos are like man’s best friend who has a serious drug problem. Dingos are unpredictable and aren’t above chowing down on human flesh. That’s not a good recipe for a pet.

Then there's the whole issue of smuggling one in your suitcase back from Australia.

4. Vulture

Having a vulture is a huge pain in the ass. These things are meant to fly around a lot and so if you have it in your house all day it’s going to start going crazy. It’ll start attacking guests that arrive and try to eat them even if they’re not dead yet.

Vultures are very unwieldy. It can be hard enough to keep track of a parrot sometimes. Imagine a carnivorous parrot that's about twenty times larger.

3. Beluga Whale

Beluga whales are cool and they look funny, but they don’t make great pets. First off you’re going to need a giant tank of water. That’s pretty much the main obstacle facing most people who want a pet Beluga. While Belugas do eat almost anything from the sea, it’s still a huge pain in the ass to buy octopus and flounder in bulk to feed these fat pale sons of bitches.

Belugas are basically what happens when the alien race from "Prometheus" mates with dolphins.

2. Galapagos Tortoise

The main difficulty in having a Galapagos Tortoise as a pet is that they generally live more than 100 years. That could be a big problem if your tortoise outlives you. If you live alone then when you die, the tortoise will be in danger. Even if you’re not alone, you have to pass the tortoise down and there’s no telling if your relatives share your extreme love of giant tortoises.

This is a horribly slow way to commute to work.

And the number one worst animal to have as a pet is...

1. Jaguar

Jaguars are awful pets for pretty much every possible reason. Sure maybe a grizzly bear would be a worse pet, but obviously no one could have a bear in their house. A jaguar is at least somewhat possible. If you take a jaguar kitten from the zoo you could technically raise it in your home. I’m saying that’s NOT a good idea. They will fuck your couches up BIG TIME.

You'll have an easy time keeping away burglars and not because they're afraid of the jaguar, but because the entire house has been destroyed.