Ask McFartnuggets: “What Is The Meaning of Life?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

You probably get asked this a lot, but what is the meaning of life? Why are we here alive on this planet? Who put us here? For what purpose? Do you know? -- Lindsie from Paterson, New Jersey

Dear Lindsie:

This may come as a surprise to you, but I do not know the meaning of life. I do however have a pretty good idea how we could find out though. If it were up to me, I would give Professor Stephen Hawking magic mushrooms. Why would I do this? Well when people take magic mushrooms their brain basically explodes and expands like the universe. This can lead to even the most idiotic hillbilly thinking some incredibly profound thoughts. I would be very excited to hear what Stephen Hawking, (a genius who has almost figured out the meaning of life while sober) would have to say after some magic mushrooms. Well he wouldn’t say it, he would type it with his eyes and an eye tracking software, but you get what I mean. I think the fact that this hasn’t been tried is very telling. Maybe we don’t want to truly know the answer. As much as we think we want to know, maybe being left to wonder is better than being given an answer we can’t handle yet. Still, I think it would be pretty cool if they gave him psilocybin on live TV and broadcasted all of his reactions.

What would happen if you put Stephen Hawking in an isolation tank? Hmm... At the very least you'd have a great reality show.

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