Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do Elderly People Waste So Much Time?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

It seems like whatever store you go into there’s always an elderly person arguing at a cash register over a penny difference in a price with their expired coupons and wasting everyone’s time. Why do these elderly people do this? Don’t they realize they’re elderly? I wanna go up and say “Ma’am you do realize you probably only have like a week left TOPS... Why you wasting precious moments with this bullshit?“ I don’t get it. They of all people should be trying to move as fast as possible to get the most out of life. They should be trying to wring every last second out as quickly as possible instead of just letting the rest of their life slowly drip out into nothing. Why? I ask you WHY are they so insistent on wasting time with trivial ass minutia? -- Dreyvon from Cincinnati, Ohio

Dear Dreyvon:

What you need to understand is that as the brain and body ages, everything naturally slows down. You can’t blame elderly folk for their lack of precipitancy because in most cases they’re simply not capable of a normal pace. Hurrying around and squeezing as much life as you can out of a day is for the young. That’s when you have the energy to do that. You rush when you’re young because you don’t know if tomorrow is going to come. When you’re super old, tomorrow already came and you’ve got no real reason to be in a hurry. You have the misconception that as time becomes more limited it automatically becomes more valuable. You’d think that would be the case, but as you get older time actually loses value because each day you get older and your body and mind deteriorate a little more. This continues until one day you either become a starved prisoner in a dried up husk of a human body or you die, either way not positive outcomes.

Old people feel cold all the time because they're constantly chillin!

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