Dumbass Slogans: “Obey Your Thirst”

Sprite soft drink’s slogan is “Obey your thirst.” That’s pretty general advice. You really don’t have a choice when it comes to obeying your thirst. Either you obey it and you drink fluids or you don’t and die of dehydration. “Obey your thirst” is a different and unique way of saying something that has never actually needed to be said. It’s actually the first half of a complete thought that is “Obey your thirst, or you’ll die.” It’d be like a company that manufactures toilets saying “Obey your bowels.” Also, if I think if your thirst had a true say in the matter it would simply request regular water or possibly Gatorade. Drinking a carbonated beverage is really not the ideal solution for thirst. The way you can tell is you never see people chugging Sprite during an athletic contest. That would be a really bad idea, you’d become all gassy and bloated. Farting during a slam dunk attempt might help you get some rocket propulsion if you were bare assed, but even then it would be minimal. If there’s a reason to drink Sprite it would to be obey your taste buds. Obeying your taste buds is actually optional so that would probably be a more logical slogan.

It's pretty difficult not to obey your thirst.