Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Don’t All Parents Keep Their Children on Leashes?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

I see kids all the time running loose in stores screaming and throwing things and incredibly the parents just let them go do that! Why don’t more parents put their kids on dog leashes? Just put the leash around their neck and walk them around like a dog. If they start running off just give a quick tug on their neck so they know that’s not okay. You probably would only have to do this for about a year until you could take the leash off and the child would be well behaved and come back to you when you called. Why don’t more parents do this? -- Evan from Cedar Falls, Iowa

Dear Evan:

Putting leashes on children is seen as abuse by some people, even when they’re specifically made child leashes that go around the body rather than the neck. The difference between children and dogs is important to note when it comes to this issue. A dog running loose in a store could bite someone and so that’s why you’d want to keep it on a leash. A child hopped up on sugar is less likely to bite someone and most parents feel like it’s worth the risk of them being kidnapped when out of their sight for them to run loose and tire themselves out. Whether it’s autism or high fructose corn syrup, all children eventually run out of energy so that’s the strategy most parents have. Let the little fucker run around then when it falls asleep, throw it over your shoulder and take it home. You can’t really do that with a dog.

A nice collar with personal information is a lot cheaper and less invasive than a microchip.

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