Sometimes when the old lady receptionist at work accidentally walks in on you masturbating in the stairwell she screams "Heavens to Betsy!" What kind of thing is this to say? What does that even mean? You're establishing a communication between heaven and a woman named Betsy? Who is Betsy? Betsy Ross? Meanwhile “Betsy” is thinking, "I said my name was Margaret!" If you said "Heavens to Margaret" that might make sense since Margaret has said "Are You There, God? It's Me Margaret." I think the lines of communication got mixed up there somehow. Perhaps the ink on God’s letter smudged and the name “Jesus” looked more like “Betsy.” What has Betsy done to deserve the honor of a direct communique from a holy paradise? I’m not that familiar with the Bible but I’m pretty sure there’s no “Book of Betsy” in there.
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| All you really needed to get into Heaven back then was a stool or a chair to stand on. |
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