Ask McFartnuggets: “What Body Part Should I Wash First In The Shower?” and “What Are Q-Tips For?"

Dear McFartnuggets: When I take a shower I never know where to start first. Is there a proper place to start washing? Where do you start? -- Mintrelle from Orlando.

Dear Mintrelle:

It’s all a matter of personal preference. You can really start wherever you want except the crotch and ass. Basically anywhere other than the crotch and ass are a good place to start. Only a psychopath would wash their ass before their face and hair. See I don’t mind having my face dirt in my ass, but I don’t want my ass dirt in my face. That’s the key there and never forget it, Mintrelle.

Always make sure to wash your barrel out before you bathe in it.

Dear McFartnuggets: I’ve seen this commercial for the Wax Vac an ear vacuum that sucks your ear wax out and they say you shouldn’t use q-tips to clean your ears. So if q-tips aren’t meant to clean your ears, what the hell am I supposed to do with them? -- Lucy from Oregon.

Dear Lucy:

The Wax Vac people are right, you’re not supposed to use q-tips to clean your ears. According to doctors, ear wax is totally natural and your ears clean themselves. Using q-tips or other off brand cotton swabs to clean your ears can damage the eardrum and actually pack in ear wax. So what do you use q-tips for? Well, doctors never said anything about picking your nose with them. I use q-tips to pick my nose and my ass all the time. Obviously I’m not using them to wipe my ass, but they are helpful in getting those little stubborn bits that if you don’t take care of, gravity will eventually over the course of the day into your underpants if you know what I’m saying. So far I have not met a single doctor who has a problem with this. In fact, most of them try to change the subject almost immediately.Thanks for the question, Lucy!

Toothpicks are Q-Tip's dangerous cousins.
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