Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do I Always Have To Poop Twice?”

Sequels aren't always filmed in the greatest of places.
Dear McFartnuggets: How come when I poop, no matter how much I poop usually I have to poop again about half an hour later? It’s very annoying because I will poop before work and leave the house thinking it’s over and then on the highway need to poop again. It’s terrible! How do I stop this? -- Leeanne from Texas

Dear Leeanne:

Yes this is a strange, yet common phenomena known as “Sequel Dump Syndrome”. You see each bowel movement you take is a lot like a new movie and yes a lot of movies have sequels. The problem is, most sequels never live up to the original and are often rushed and made just for sheer profit minus the desire to actually create art. The trick is realizing during the first one that there may be potential for a sequel. If you see or feel a “teaser” or even a secret “post credits sequence” with Samuel L. Jackson recruiting a turd inside of your ass that’s a big hint you’re going to have a blockbuster sequel coming and you need to make proper contingency plans for that.

Aside from that there’s really nothing you can do. New movies are always coming down the pipe and you just have to pray the system is churning out good material. The real key is just getting the right actors, that means eating healthy, (vegetables, fruits, whole grains, etc.). You’re the producer and sometimes the director, though if you eat Taco Bell for instance, you may not be in control of any of the action. Beware of foreign directors. If you want a predictable time stick to the old standbys, don’t eat stuff from Morocco and expect to have a solid film. Anyway, I hope that helped and good luck with your BMs!

If you have any questions, preferably not bathroom related, email them to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com!

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