Showing posts with label How To Sound Stupid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label How To Sound Stupid. Show all posts

8.05.2014

Dumbass Sayings: “Basically”

It’s always funny to me when someone starts off a sentence with the word “basically.” They’ll say something like “Basically, you’ve got an inoperable tumor in your pancreas.” Let’s just get one thing straight, if you’re trying to say something “basically” that means you’re trying to speak in the most essential, stripped down, distilled fashion possible. Therefore, simply adding the word “basically” in there is defeating your intention. If you want to say something “basically” then just say it and leave as many unnecessary words out as you can. Adding a nine letter word in there is only serving to do the opposite of what you claim to be trying to do. It’s sort of like how people say “I literally took a dump so hard my asshole burst into flames.” That did not LITERALLY happen. People need to stop using words that end in “-ally” because nearly every time you do it never helps your sentence. It’s simply filler that people use to fluff their sentences up to make them seem more substantial.

Basically nebulas are just god farts.

5.20.2014

Dumbass Sayings: “Not To Mention”

Sometimes people will say things like “I’ve got so much to do today, I’ve gotta wash the car, mow the lawn, take the kids to judo, vacuum the floor, restore a Victorian era painting, masturbate, cook dinner, vacuum the ceiling, train for a marathon, adopt a homeless person, NOT TO MENTION, bathe them!” Whenever someone says “Not to mention” they always mention. Have you noticed that? It’s kind of like when someone says “This person needs no introduction… PLEASE WELCOME, BILL!” Except sometimes people can literally say “This person needs no introduction” Then they come out and if they’re famous enough everyone cheers anyway because they really did not necessitate an introduction to the audience. However, no one ever says “Not to mention…” and then just goes silent. Once you say “Not to mention” you basically have to mention something which is exactly the opposite of what “Not to mention” means. If it’s really “Not to mention” then just shut up and stay true to the words you’re speaking to people.

"I'd love to come and see your baby, but I'm very busy with work, not to mention his eyes are really creepy."