Dumbass Sayings: “Chilling Audio”

Whenever the news releases a 9-1-1 call they always refer to it as “a chilling 9-1-1 phone call.” What about listening to someone call the police is “chilling”? If these were really chilling calls then I could listen to them in the middle of summer instead of having my air conditioner on and save money on electricity bill. I’ve tried it. It doesn’t work. There’s nothing to me that’s chilling about these calls. If you get chilled by them I would be worried. No one’s nipples should go hard listening to someone beg for help before they’re about to die. If that’s what’s happening to your nipples then I would seek psychiatric help because that’s most definitely not normal and a sign of some deeper seated issues in your psyche. Why must we use the word “chilling” how about just “startling” or “disturbing.” Chilling is not necessarily a bad thing. A synonym for “chilling” is “cool.” These calls are most definitely not what I’d describe as “cool.” If you’re hanging out that’s considered “chilling.” Unless this person is placing the call to 9-1-1 from their bean bag chair it’s not “chilling.”

9-1-1 call centers should never need air conditioning with all the chilling calls coming in.

Dumbass Sayings: “Just Loved It”

Sometimes women say things like “We had the poached salmon and sourdough caper roll and we JUST LOVED IT.” You just loved it? So you did nothing more than just love it? Usually when people say this they’re trying to exhibit an extreme love for something. The problem is the word “just” doesn’t help serve that purpose. “Just” is a word that expresses a limitation. If you JUST love something then that means you didn’t enjoy it or find it delicious, you only loved it. That’s not what you’re intending your words to mean and yet you’re using them improperly anyway. People need to stop this shit before I just kick their ass. That’s right, I’m only going to kick their ass, but I’m going to do it repeatedly until the ass is completely mangled and inoperable. That would at least be a proper usage of the word “just.”

"We had the chocolate souffle and we JUST LOVED IT! IT WAS SO DIVINE!"

Dumbass Sayings: “Basically”

It’s always funny to me when someone starts off a sentence with the word “basically.” They’ll say something like “Basically, you’ve got an inoperable tumor in your pancreas.” Let’s just get one thing straight, if you’re trying to say something “basically” that means you’re trying to speak in the most essential, stripped down, distilled fashion possible. Therefore, simply adding the word “basically” in there is defeating your intention. If you want to say something “basically” then just say it and leave as many unnecessary words out as you can. Adding a nine letter word in there is only serving to do the opposite of what you claim to be trying to do. It’s sort of like how people say “I literally took a dump so hard my asshole burst into flames.” That did not LITERALLY happen. People need to stop using words that end in “-ally” because nearly every time you do it never helps your sentence. It’s simply filler that people use to fluff their sentences up to make them seem more substantial.

Basically nebulas are just god farts.